Why I Feel Called to be Momma

This is my story.A story of love, loss, faith and grace.
Always know, you are never alone.
God is always with you.
He loves you.
God is love.

So many of you out there are like myself.
You love being Momma.
There's nothing like feeling a baby's first kicks within the womb,
(and of course the "conceiving" with your husband is nice too!)

But I love the whole experience!
Time with my husband
Conceiving
First heartbeats
First kicks
The flood of joy when the baby is delivered!
And holding that new baby...........
Watching them grow, change, learn and live!
It's the best job in the world!

I'm called to be Momma and I love it!
Even on those days that seem so long, I realize how blessed I am to have five beautiful healthy children.
Thank you Lord for the blessing of my children.


In Scriptures Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV)
My story does have a happy ending

When it comes to my health and monthly cycles, I'm usually consistent.
Every 28 days, that visitor knocks on my door.

However, back  in the Spring 2009, this family had some big changes.
We moved into our new home, and at the same time there were some extended family issues that combined with all that was going on with the move and settling in. It made life extremely stressful for me.

I should have given all that stress to God. I should have laid it all at His feet and walked away, but  I didn't do that.
I let it get to me......and my health suffered.
In May, my cycle was only 26 days.
In June, 25 days.

I wanted more children. 
I was 37 years old
I wasn't ready for this peri-menopause, pre-menopause.
I wasn't  ready to shut that door.

So, I did what probably most of you do. I began looking for answers and ways to fix things.
I knew I wasn't ovulating. I do sell and use ovulation tests
First thing I did was make an appointment with my OB/GYN to see what was going on. however, I couldn't get in for almost two months.
This was June and I couldn't get in to see my doctor until July 24.
I struggle with patience." No! I want it fixed now!"

Patience has never been one of my virtues.

So I turned to ever faithful internet and forums and groups for answers.
Here's what I found, and what I did.
I bought vitamins and started taking
Prenatal Vitamins
B-Complex
Folic Acid
Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc
Iron

I also read about Vitex/Chasteberry, a supplement to help improve fertility. I was taking it on days 1-14,
and then to to top it all off, I read about using natural progesterone cream on days after ovulation to extend the fertile period. So, I was doing that too. I'd stop the Vitex on day 14 and start using the cream on all my pressure points day 14-21, but I would stop using the cream on day 21 to wait and see if a cycle would come or to see if I was pregnant. I was determined to get back to normal 28 day cycles and get pregnant again!

What joy I experienced July 10, 2009 when my pregnancy test read postive!!!!!
Yea!! Thank you God! #5! Oh my goodness!!! I was elated!
It worked!
I was healed!
I was pregnant and all was well!

I continued to take the vitamins but no longer used the Vitex or progesterone cream. I didn't need it anymore. I was pregnant.
I didn't know........

On Saturday night, August 8, 2009, I began spotting. 
I had never experienced this before, but I knew what it was.
I was 8 weeks pregnant.
Maybe I had just over done it that day. Maybe if I slow down and rest............
After church Sunday, things began to get worse.
I called the doctor. They told me to go to the ER.
I spent the afternoon in the ER. They examined me, took blood, ran sonograms.

The sonogram showed a sac at 5 weeks, not 8 weeks, no heartbeat.
Monday night, God allowed everything to happen naturally.

Tuesday, as I began sharing with all of you on groups and forums,
some of you knew what I did not..............

If you use progesterone to help regulate your cycles and you become pregnant, you must CONTINUE using progesterone until week 14 of your pregnancy. At that point, the body should begin making the progesterone on its own. I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was my fault.............

I was being so selfish, so determined. I didn't leave it in God's hands. I took it into my own hands, and my lack of knowledge...................... I caused this.......................

The grief, at first was overwhelming.
If I had just waited for God or maybe the doctor and God working together.
I should have never taken the Vitex or used the cream. I had no business trying to do this on my own!

Some of the facts I've learned.......
Progesterone is the hormone that helps build, nurture and establish the Uterine wall for implantation of an egg. Each month, after ovulation, your body slows the production of progesterone. If you are pregnant, normally the levels will stay a little higher and begin increasing. If you are not pregnant, the levels continue dropping until a monthly cycle occurs.

If you are using progesterone creams or supplements and abruptly stop, your body receives a signal that it's time for a monthly cycle, pregnant or not, your body registers that progesterone production has stopped, and it's time for a cycle.

This is also what happens with birth control pills. Days 1-20 of birth control pills contain a level of progesterone, but days 21-28, when you take the placebo or no pill at all, the body is signaled that it's time for a cycle. YOU CAN GET PREGNANT ON THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL!!!!!

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar talk about this in their book, " Twenty and Counting." After they had Joshua, they decided to wait awhile before having more children. She conceived while taking the pill and had a miscarriage. they too, were informed the truth about the effects of progesterone. 

You can get pregnant on the pill, but even if you get pregnant, as soon as those progesterone levels drop below a certain level, you are going to have a cycle, pregnant or not. ....... 

My story continues, my dr told me to try again, " You'll be pregnant again by Christmas." 

I started the regiment again, Vitex on days 5-9, I got pregnant again in December, this time the dr put me on Prometrium. 
10 weeks later, I had a healthy baby.
The doctor said to come off the Prometrium, 
I hesitated....... Everything I had read said at least 17 weeks. 
He was so confident, he said, " I could take out your ovaries and you'd still be pregnant. Trust me." 

2 weeks later 2-13-10, we lost Baby Grace at 12 weeks and that doctor refused to take any responsibility. He had not done any blood work or progesterone monitoring. He thought he knew it all, " These things just happen," He said, and he refused to do any testing......... 

In March 2010, as my cycles returned, I personally do not believe in using birth control and I was not going to lose any more babies.
I believe God has Called Me to be Momma and He expects me to keep my body in optimal health to do whatever He has called me to do.

I called a doctor in a nearby town, a woman this time. She heard my story,( all of it) and had me in the office the very next day to begin testing. 
Two  months later, I was fully diagnosed with low progesterone. Had the other dr completed any blood work, he would have found that out. At times my progesterone levels were a -1 out of a normal range of 15-17 for conception.
I did 4 months of Clomid, but the numbers never got higher than 12 on Clomid.
So, I stopped and decided to go back to natural therapy, vitamins, vitx, progesterone cream, healthy diet.
As month after month passed, I was 38 years old and nearing 39. Perhaps God was telling me, "No more. This is it."
I mourned on Christmas Eve 2010. I had been pregnant twice in a year and lost 2 babies in a six month time period.
Baby #1 would have been born in March 2010. Baby #2 was due in September 2010. I should have had a new baby to hold this Christmas. This should never have happened...........
" Lord, what do you want from me?"

And then..... just as I began to accept God had closed the door........
I found out we were expecting Kaitlyn on January 17, 2011.
Guess who got pregnant for New Years!!!!

This time would be different. I couldn't lose this one. I had to fight.
My new doctor, the one who had done the testing, put me on progesterone suppositories everyday for the first 20 weeks and closely monitored my blood work and sonograms every week to 2 weeks. I also spent the majority of Weeks7-17 in bed. We were not going to lose this one.

At 20 weeks, the doctor told me I could slowly wean off the progesterone, but I was scared to death. If I delivered 2 weeks from now at 22 weeks, Kaitlyn would not survive. The doctor understood my fears and allowed me to slowly wean off the progesterone at my own pace. 

I quit taking the progesterone at 31 weeks and at 33 weeks, on August 8, 2011, my water broke. We were experiencing a huge Texas heatwave last summer and the doctor doesn't believe it was the progesterone dropping that caused the water to break early. One train of thought is that it was probably due to dehydration, but I have to admit, I wish I had stayed on the progesterone a few more weeks.
It was a scary week in the hospital, but I delivered a perfectly healthy baby, Kaitlyn,a week later on August 16, 2011. She weighed 5 pounds even and we went home 3 days later. God is so good.

Remember, at the beginning of this story,  I quoted Romans 8:28, " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."(NIV)

I'm in a very good place right now. As much as I didn't want any of the heartache to happen. As much as I wish I had not had two miscarriages, God took something very bad in my life and turned it into something good and beautiful.
You see in the midst of all the struggles,I learned God never leaves me. He's always here and He loves me and He is my best friend.
What a friend I have in Jesus.

If none of these things had happened, I wouldn't have Kaitlyn and I wouldn't be where I am today.
You see God led me to a new doctor, a new church home, new friends, and a new life..... not just for me, but for my entire family. My whole family is happier and more complete now than they were before all of this happened.
While going through the testing, I was introduced to a infertility group on Facebook, and that has opened the door for me to be an older mom and mentor to others who struggle with infertility or have had miscarriages. My experience taught me how to relate, support, encourage and love in ways I was not equipped to do before all of this happened.

Lastly, I now share my story and what I've learned so that my mistakes can be learned from. Perhaps the information I have learned will help someone else prevent a miscarriage or overcome infertility.

I've known since I was a little girl, that above all things, I wanted nothing more than to be Momma. I am Called to be Momma.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

God took something very bad and very ugly and made something beautiful out of it.
This is why I do what I do.

God loves you.
Amy

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